Wrong Genes for These Jeans

According to this morning’s LA Times, denim stretched super tight across your behind is once again front page fashion news. How tight? Really tight – in a Brooke Shields, nothing-comes-between-me-and-my-Calvins kind of way.

These are essentially updated ’80s leggings, a recycled trend with a denim twist. And though the designers won’t tell you, your common sense no doubt will: These jeans are probably best suited for a very narrow (forgive the pun) market. 

I’m not sure how this fad will play out in Peoria, but considering global diversity in, er, assets, I can already visualize how slight differences in hip and leg measurements will make huge differences in interpreting this fit. Don’t make me look. 

The thought of denim as compression garment for one’s legs and nether regions is, well, depressing. So while trend-spotters gush over tight white jeans for the men folk and purple drainpipe denim for women, you can definitely color me disinterested.

With regard to my wallet and this season’s It jeans, check it: I’m checking out.

32 Comments

  1. I predict that soon you will want to gouge out your eyes, because having a little too much junk in the trunk (and chassis and under the hood) hasn’t stopped people from wearing low-rise jeans when they shouldn’t.

  2. EW!

    Ew! I have yet to see these jeans, but it sounds disgusting. I think I can live with teenagers in tight jeans–it has to be better than all those bellies hanging out. But, let’s hope that those of us who are older and more…uh, curvy…stick to appropriate attire.

  3. The upside is that Newsweek reports low-rise jeans are going out of fashion. Perhaps there’s a happy medium for those of us who are not twelve.

    (Of course, I can’t wait for the return of huge sweaters over leggings with ruffled socks and ankle boots…not!)

  5. Oh, you are stronger than me.

    I want those Christopher Blue jeans from Nordstroms that cost 150. I probably won’t succumb to pressure though, so you can still say you know me without being embarressed (G)

    • Tight jeans exert the kind of pressure I don’t want — and certainly don’t need! (But if I see you wearing ’em, I promise I won’t cross to the other side of the street.)

  6. First, the writing in this post is so sharp! I love it. πŸ™‚

    So I’m from Greece, a culture where older, heavier women will sometimes go ahead and wear tight clothing that looks better on teens… and where some guy will go ahead and yell at them, “Hey, grandma, couldn’t you have left those jeans in the store for some hottie to buy?”… and where the woman will go ahead and yell back that they think they look great and he must be going blind from… certain activities. My point (I do have one…) is that I see the US turning more in that direction. Americans always used to be all demure and tasteful, “Oh, no, tight sexy body conscious clothes are for teenagers and sluts! I could never… I’m thirty and five pounds overweight.” But now? As people get heavier and struggle for body acceptance, I predict we’ll be seeing a lot of muffin-tops and maybe even scarier stuff.

    I’m as much for for body acceptance as the next person, but I’m very confused as to which attitude to take on this. πŸ™‚

    • Opa! I’m all about body acceptance, through thickness and thin. But as with some of my opinions, I think it’s wisest to keep certain (body) views to myself.

      Thanks so much for the compliment, btw; it meant a lot to me. You put a million bucks in my back pocket… Good thing there’s room. LOL.

  7. ROFLAO. I hadn’t seen the skit before, but I’ve certainly seen my share of Mom Jeans in real life. GAH and blech!

    I like low rise jeans, too…no nine-inch zipper for me! Hold the muffin top, though.

  8. i’m definitely colored ‘disinterested’ as well. jeans and me are not very good friends as it is, so my butt will never see jeans like this.

    Eileen

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