My Emily Litella moments

"Study to show thyself approved unto God," the Good Book says. That verse was painted on a banner at the front of my second grade classroom at Central Baptist Elementary school (long shuddered shuttered), right above the chalkboard. My teacher read it aloud each morning, stabbing her rubber-tipped pointer at every word. I remember copying it 100 times–in cursive–every time I "sinned." Which may or may not have happened quite a lot. 

As with many Christian schools at that time, the King James version of the Bible was one of our primary textbooks. If you’re familiar with it, you’ll know that some passages are almost impossible to translate, even as an adult! I now think my teacher misinterpreted that verse, but not by accident. No surprise, I realized much later that I had also twisted the meaning of several passages, albeit not on purpose. For example, when Jesus says, "Suffer little children…." I thought He meant that I must endure severe hardships before I was found worthy.  Over time, I learned to read Scriptures much differently, hallelujah and amen.

It’s fun to re-examine the belief systems–and misconceptions–that governed my growing-up experiences.  I’m often reminded of Gilda Radner’s (genius) "Emily Litella" skits. She’d get herself all worked up in a lather about something that she’d obviously misinterpreted. When someone pointed out the obvious made her aware of the error, she’d stop mid-sentence, stare sheepishly into the camera and say, "Never mind!"  My memoir’s not a comedy by any means, but I do have lots of aha moments.

Here’s a YouTube video of Emily Litella as a substitute teacher. Grab a cup of coffee, move away from the keyboard, and laugh until you snort!

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32 Comments

  1. Hm, nothing like using the Bible as punishment to turn a kid off it…

    Yes, there are some difficult passages in KJV. But I have to admit, there are some extremely beautiful ones, too. I prefer a few verses of the NKJV over KJV, but I have to admit that for the most part, KJV is what feels “real” to me, like it carries weight where the others are just talking about scripture instead of being the real deal. Which is kind of silly, since it’s just a translation! But I guess that’s how the mind works. (FWIW–now that I can speak German, some of those odd places make a lot more sense.)

    • I agree with you. The KJV is my favorite, too, but probably because my ear is accustomed to hearing its rhythms. I do think you have to be careful when you teach/translate/read it. And therein lies the infallibility argument (a whole new subject altogether).

      The matter of interpretation is true of lots of books, isn’t it?

      Hope you have time to enjoy the video. 🙂

  4. I have to say that while I respect those who feel that the KJV is the translation they prefer to read (and even those who think it’s the most reliable, though I don’t agree), it makes me absolutely crazy that so many adults of my acquaintance still think it’s an appropriate version to use with kids. Especially when those kids are still struggling with reading, let alone comprehension. Way to put a lot of kids off ever reading the Bible for themselves, guys.

    And then there’s the unconscious hilarity of sitting in Sunday School listening to the person doing the opening struggle to explain a verse they’ve just quoted from the KJV in words that the kids can actually understand… and I’m sitting there thinking, “Or, y’know, you could just use the NIV.”

    The KJV has some beautiful turns of phrase, to be sure. But on the other hand I’m currently reading the book of Proverbs for the second time — the first time I used the NKJV and the second time I’m using the NIV — and more often than not, I think the NIV’s rendering is not only clearer, but more poetic.

    I think a lot of it comes down to what you’re used to. Unless you’ve had it drilled into you (I mean “you” in the general sense) that the KJV is GOD’S OWN BIBLE HANDED DOWN FROM ABOVE AND ALL THE OTHER TRANSLATIONS ARE PER-VERSIONS, in which case I guess you’re stuck. 🙂

    • My ear is accustomed to the KJV; I think the rhythm and syntax of many passages are extraordinarily beautiful. And yet, many versions are more easily understood (e.g., the NIV, which you’ve mentioned).

      I’m all about making books (not just “The Good Book”) accessible to all. Reading is one of the best ways to identify our commonalities and to create a broader community. Kumbaya, I say. 🙂

  6. Hey, Melodye!

    I agree that there has been a lot of mistranslation and misinterpretation in regards to most bibles. A lot of it is taken very literally and the deeper meaning is totally lost on many.

    That video was hilarious, too. Thanks for sharing!

    • Well, hi!!! What a wonderful surprise to see you here! xo

      It’s easy to lose sight of the big picture, isn’t it? For that reason, I think readers have to be cautious about choosing a single translation at the expense of all others, or following a narrow interpretation that rejects consideration of other viewpoints.

      Glad you liked the video…So many layers of funny! 🙂

      • (((((((((hugs back)))))))))))) Melodye!

        The weeks have been sneaking by on me since we decided to put our house for sale. There’s been a whole lotta cleaning going on! LOL!

        And yep on what you said about following a narrow interpretation or choosing a single translation. That’s one of the reasons I don’t want to follow any one religion. There are so many facets of different religions that resonate with me. I define myself as a spiritual being in physical form, and a perpetual student when it comes to the mysteries of life and the universe. That’s good enough for me. 🙂

    • Thankfully, yes, as long as our perceptions grow and change in a way that’s healthy. That’s why (in my view) it’s important to give yourself time for reflection–and to seek input from others. Maybe that’s the key–the ability to zoom the lens out wide enough, plus the willingness to see things from a broader perspective than your own?

  9. My understanding of “The sins of the fathers will be visited on the sons” has changed. When I was little, I thought of it as unfair punishment. Now I see it as meaning that our actions can have consequences for our children and subsequent generations, so we should think before we act.

    In terms of mis-hearing things: In first grade, I used to think the national anthem had a line in it about “the rocket’s red glare on the first billionaire.”

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