Thankful Thursday: Focusing on the positive

My writing is going really well these days, and I'm wondering if that might have something to do with the fact that I'm spending more time behind the camera lens. I'm not a proficient photographer by any means, but I'm making progress. I'm learning how to reframe certain objects, to allow more or less light for greater effect, to slow the shutter speed. 

And I'm learning from my mistakes.

Without forcing the metaphor, I think these lessons hold true in a broader context. Things exist within and beyond our awareness, but we can only acknowledge (and grow to appreciate) those things we’re willing to see.  

Perhaps your eyes were drawn to the splashes of sunlight on Caley’s body, her oversized ears and sleepy-eyed stare. Maybe your imagination led you toward the garden, instead, just beyond her countertop perch. Or, ha, maybe you zeroed in on the rain-spattered window. Camera or cleaning cloth: Which would you reach for first?

Here's another example, this one from the garden. Seeing my roses in bloom again…pure joy! I can almost forget the spindly, bareroot shapes they took in January, and the thousand plagues diseased, insect-ridden foliage of a few weeks ago.

Almost. But I won’t forget the lessons. As my friend Susan said, “So much of gardening is about letting go.” Hovercraft mother gardener that I am, I'm still working on that.

Widening the lens even further, I see parallels with Life Itself. Dark and light, death and rebirth….things shift in the blink of an eye, depending on (and regardless of) our focus. 

This is not a random thought, inserted recklessly into my blog. It comes of grieving a friend of mine, recently murdered. It comes of being candid about things, good and bad, of trying to make sense of the unimaginable by exploring it from all angles.

A trusting soul, my friend didn’t recognize the stranger who came knocking on her door. As with this frilly purple flower, Death presented itself as harmless. Too late, she realized its true nature.

Am I more guarded now, after hearing the gruesome details? To some degree, I guess. Some people open their lives to strangers; others are more cautious. I fall into the first camp, but it’s a gamble, either way. And while I'm not one to dwell for long in shadow, I'll carry this experience like a flashlight, going forward.

In WISE HEART, Buddhist philosopher Jack Kornfield writes, “Pain is inevitable…suffering is not." My thoughts this morning are a contemplative nod to this "Noble Truth." They also come of seeing recent events in the context of Philippians 4:8, which is one of my favorite Bible verses. I’ve carried it in my heart for many years, and I'm finding comfort in it now:

Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

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  1. The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence by Gavin de Becker. Very important book. Trust has to be earned and if you feel wary, listen to the feeling. I don’t know how it happened to your friend, but often women are hurt or killed because they don’t want to be untrusting, impolite or hurt someone’s feelings.
    We were given instincts for a reason, to keep us alive, so if someone sets off a warning in you, please listen to it. Unfortunately women from dysfunctional families often have to suppress those warnings because their own families set them off, so they get so numb that they can’t get the signal when some stranger who sets of warnings in most of us approaches them. It is numb not dumb that causes repeated traumatization in my opinion.
    I am really sorry about your friend.

    • As are you, Amy. I’m so glad I came to know you via DEAR BULLY, and I’m happier still that our friendship has continued to grow (ha, I almost typed ‘glow’) in its aftermath. xo

  4. (((Hugs))), Melodye.

    In keeping with your blog title, “Focusing on the positive,” and your Bible quote, I think you are wise to remember all your good memories of your friend. She would have wanted that, I’m sure.

    • Anonymous

      sweet thoughts

      Sweet thoughts you have displayed here, sweet thoughts from a heart so pure and gleaming with love from the very core of life…

      I garden for a friend, it is my job as I get paid. I told her that I will never stop gardening for her because it is where and when I can meet with God…

      I’ve learned long ago to face losses and great tragedy and only through the flowers and other things I’ve planted,… have I truly been able to find content. I take pictures of everything. I take pictures of life and what I see through the lens is usually quite different from what others see.

      Sending you love my dear friend, great love and appreciation for having found you in my life, you inspire me, remind me, provide me with the path I forget to follow during times of great change.

      • Re: sweet thoughts

        I believe God is in the garden, too. That’s why my spirit’s so uplifted when I go outside to plant, prune, and otherwise nurture my plants.

        I’m glad we have so much in common…happy, too, that our paths have converged at this point in our lives. We’ve got lots to learn from each other, I think. It’ll be fun!!!

  12. Melodye, that second rose photo is beautiful. I think it’s the first rose I’ve ever seen that I wanted to nibble on. The colors are so… tasty.

    I’m a little puzzled by the following:

    “In WISE HEART, Buddhist philosopher Jack Kornfield writes, “Pain is inevitable…suffering is not.””

    Maybe I am reading this too literally, or am missing a bigger picture… but if you don’t suffer, how can you tell that you are feeling pain? Without suffering, it seems to me, there is no pain. — PL

    • Sadly, it’s not organic. I had to spray the heck outta my roses, to rid them (at last) of black spot and rose slugs, ugh. But hey, no shadows in that photo, yay!

      I’m not so deft at explaining Buddhist principles as Jack Kornfield. And the ideas themselves (the Noble Truths) are fairly new to me. But yeah, I think you’re interpreting them more literally than he intended. I’d LOVE to have you read the book alongside me. Unless and until then, please allow me to share another passage (p. 242):

      Whether we are healers, therapists, or friends, when people come to us for help, we are first a witness to their suffering […]

      We are also witness to their pain. Buddhist psychology makes a clear distinction between pain and suffering. Pain is an unavoidable aspect of the natural world. It is physical, biological, and social, woven into our existence as night is with day, as inevitable as hard and soft, as hot and cold. Inhabiting a human body, we experience a continuous ebb and flow of pleasure and pain, gain and loss. Inhabiting our human society is the same: we encounter praise and blame, fame and disrepute, success and failure, arising and passing endlessly.

      Suffering is different from pain. Suffering is our reaction to the inevitable pain of life. Our suffering can include anxiety, depression, fear, confusion, grief, anger, hurt, addiction, jealousy, and frustration. But suffering is not only personal. Our collective suffering includes the sorrows of warfare and racism; the isolation and torture of prisoners everywhere; the unnecessary hunger, sickness,and abandonment of human beings on every continent. This individual and collective suffering, the First Noble Truth, is what we are called upon to understand and transform.

  13. Thank you for your lovely post. You are such a thoughtful, loving soul, and I am so sorry for the terrible loss of your friend.
    P.S. Kaley looks like a little Buddha. I hope she brings you peace and joy.

    • Caley is one of the most kinesthetic kitties you’ll ever know. Abyssinians are like that–very high strung…no Buddha tendencies whatsoever, lol! But oh, she makes me laugh!!

      (Thanks for the very kind words, by the way. They–you–mean a lot to me! xo)

  14. I am so, so sorry for your loss and the loss of such a wonderful person who touched so many lives. Many, many hugs.

    I am putting something in the mail for you. Hoping it arrives very soon.

    • Thanks for the sweet words of comfort. I appreciate them (and our friendship) very much.

      I’ll let you know when the Something in the Mail gets delivered. Thanks in advance!! xoxo

  15. Melodye, these are gorgeous photos and words. I’m so sorry you lost your friend in such a horrific manner. I don’t know what more to say except I’m sending love and hugs your way…….

  16. So odd that our breaths can be taken away in turns by things so beautiful and things so horrid. It’s an odd juxtaposition, but one that you shone perspective on in such a lovely way. I’m so sorry for your friend.

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