Disclaimers: I wrote (or updated) some of these; others, I pulled from Google. I'll leave it to you to figure out which illustrations are true to form, and which are slightly (okay, largely) exaggerated.
You know you're a Californian if:
You make over $300,000/year and still can’t afford a house.
Your child’s teacher has purple hair and a tattooed lotus flower on her left bicep.
A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
Gas costs $1.00 more per gallon here than anywhere else in the U.S.
.
That guy at Starbucks who looks like George Clooney? He really IS George Clooney.
Whether it’s a downpour or a light drizzle, every TV station leads with the same breaking news: STORM WATCH! Film at 11.
You can offer proof for this equation: Disneyland > Disneyworld.
You're acutely aware of the fact that SoCal =/= NorCal.
Both your neighbor AND her dog have therapists, psychics, spa treatments, and personal trainers.
Rush hour’s so bad that your GPS sometimes asks if you want to switch to “Pedestrian” mode.
You roll up next to a Bentley and don’t even notice.
In winter months, you can sunbathe at the beach, ski at Big Bear, wear flip-flops to the market and Uggs to dinner…all on the same day.
You can enjoy different ethnic cuisines at every meal.
Calling your colleagues requires knowing their area code.
You classify new people by their area code. A “949” would never date a “909,” for instance, and so on.
You know what’s meant by these phrases: “Sig Alert,” “The Orange Curtain,” and “The Five.”
You eat organic produce, but you can’t remember the last time a refined carb touched your lips.
Okay, now it's your turn…
🙂
My skimpy keyboard doesn’t have the mathematical symbol for “not equal to,” which is what I meant in that sentence. It in no way implies relative values, however (an important disclaimer, I think,given that some of my very dearest friends hail from Northern CA, lol.
No way you’re moving, neighbor o’ mine!! 🙂
After another cuppa Earl Grey, you’ll probably remember: We preface all major highways with a definitive article. “The Five,” for instance, refers to the Interstate 5 (San Diego) freeway. The 91, of course, is so congested that we typically take the Toll Road, instead.
Doh! (I usually think of it as The 5!)
How about Santa Anita Blvd up in Arcadia as Double Drive? (And I still sometimes think of the San Bernardino Fwy As San Berdu!)
Those are great — and because I’ve spent so much time in San Diego during my life, I identified with almost all of them 🙂 Hopefully other will do this too, because the results are not only hilarious, they seem to be pretty darn accurate!
Too funny! Having spent a great deal of my early married life driving to and from LAX, I definitely know what the Five is! (My inlaws live a couple hours up the coast from there.)
Have you ever read The One Where the Kid Nearly Jumps to his Death and Lands in California, by I think Mary Hershey? Hilarious as a California culture commentary (the author lives in the Santa Barbara area).
twelve thirty
Most of my friends from yesteryear live in SoCal. When I asked one of them why he moved there, he replied “to escape from reality” . I think he succeeded !
Wild stuff! I must visit Cali someday…
Love those!
How about: You consder anything below a D cup to be flat-chested.
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