Via Salon:
On Wednesday evening, the National Book Foundation held a ceremony to announce the winners of the National Book Award, one of the most prestigious literary awards in the country. Jacqueline Woodson, a black woman, won the award for young people’s literature for “Brown Girl Dreaming.” It was the first award presented that evening, and Woodson’s earnest excitement was contagious. Then Daniel Handler, author of the Lemony Snicket books and presenter at the ceremony got onstage and made a troubling misstep.
The outrage was palpable, instantaneous and ongoing. It's a good thing that grace isn't meted out in nonrefillable, thimble-sized portions, because Handler clearly needed to draw himself a good long drink from the well of humble apologies. Some suggested he was a little slow to accept that cup, but he eventually took to Twitter, to apologize and make amends:
My job at last night's National Book Awards #NBAwards was to shine a light on tremendous writers, including Jacqueline Woodson… and not to overshadow their achievements with my own ill-conceived attempts at humor. I clearly failed, and I’m sorry. My remarks on Wednesday night at #NBAwards were monstrously inappropriate and yes, racist. Let’s donate to #WeNeedDiverseBooks to #CelebrateJackie. I’m in for $10,000, and matching your money for 24 hours up to $100,000. -DH
'Ill-conceived" seems to me an understatement. "Monstrously inappropriate" comes closer. But I'm not here to parse his words because here's the thing: Each of us is imperfect, by virtue of the fact that we are human beings–irrespective of color, creed, persuasions, orientations or any number of outward/invisible differences. We suffer self-inflicted wounds & are injured at the hands of those who do us harm. We gain favor; we fall from grace. It's impossible to know anyone else's heart, but we can certainly see and feel the after-effects of one others' words & actions. And so it is that this deeply affecting, ugly incident helps illustrate the lessons we're all learning–not just Daniel Handler, all of us. We're flesh-and-blood creatures, not so much in need of garment-rending and gnashing teeth, so much as grace, freely given and received.
Kudos for the swift, shunning response to a series of "troubling misteps." Applause, too, for the intelligent conversations that are unfolding even now. And through it all, this additional grace note: Readers and writers everywhere are lifting Jacqueline Woodson above the fray, giving the award-winning Brown Girl Dreaming the full credit it's due. It's a soul-stirring, heartwarming memoir. I hope you'll buy a copy for yourself. Maybe also pick up a couple extra books to share.
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So true, Melodye. It always troubles me a bit when the world is so quick to condemn…and yes, Handler’s words were ridiculous (and appalling), but we all make stupid mistakes — and how horrifying to do so with such an audience! I have no idea if he’s truly sorry or not…it doesn’t really matter, actually. I’m sorry for him (in many ways). What a mess.
So far as I know, it’s not for us to be the final arbiter of someone’s motives, or to judge the contents of their heart. Handler acknowledged his mistakes in clear, unambiguous terms. He asked for forgiveness, and now he’s trying to make amends. At what point do we accept one another’s human frailties, cull what we can from the wreckage, and move forward in grace? Honest question: I can’t answer for anyone but myself.
I actually think that so far, this seems to be a shining example of how our conflicts *could* go, when we have conflict. Someone says something hurtful–and is called on it. Then the moment of opportunity: Instead of denying, excusing, or counterattacking, he apologizes and offers amends.
And then, the next moment of opportunity: With grace, the amends is acknowledged by others as an opportunity to do good, to do better, to shine a light on something positive.
I agree with you, 100%.
I’m more Pollyanna than most, I own that. But I believe people are generally good, and that grace comes of honoring our potential for interconnectedness, even as we work to heal the hurts that come of discord and divisiveness. I also believe that when we cling to the illusion of separateness — or hold grudges-we limit our capacity for joy, and lessen our abilities to bring about peace and understanding.
I’m kind of Pollyanna, too. I don’t know if I believe people are generally good, but I do believe that:
–we’re all imperfect and should extend grace as we would like it extended to ourselves;
–we should give people the benefit of the doubt and allow them the room to make amends;
–given the opportunity, people will very often do the right thing, or at least will do the best they can.
Ah, you said it so much better than I! *nods & smiles at all you’ve said here* I was in a hurry when I wrote that, and I shouldn’t have been–it’s a subject dear to my heart and therefore worthy of my full attention.
At what point does a teachable moment transform into a bloody battleground from which no one emerges unscathed? I think this should probably be a rhetorical question, but I’m always filled with sadness when battle lines get drawn–when jaws tighten, eyes narrow & viewpoints harden. I’m wrong more than I am right, so whew, I’m eternally grateful for such a thing as grace.
There was nothing wrong with what you said or how you expressed it–I just wanted to add to what you said. I am thankful for the chance to discuss these ideas.
As for the bloody battleground–I think this process of grace and the benefit of the doubt can get derailed if the person in error gets backed into a corner and lashes out, or stays in denial. Another derailment can come when a person attempts to make amends but is met with a “nothing can ever fix this” stance. I don’t mean that people are required to forgive on a timetable, but I do find so much uplifting when are able to work out these conflicts and not assume the worst about one another.
For me, the worst kind of situation is when someone does act with malice and refuses to make apology or amends. Is there anything fruitful we can do then? Is punishment the only response, or is there another way that might be better? I have no answers, only questions!